Creating New Plans

I have a message for Mr. Langston Hughes....you want to know what happens to a dream deferred? All of the above, baby!

Your trusty "Jill-of-all-trades" here has been turned down by 3 out of 4 graduate schools and is still awaiting word on the final choice. It has been a difficult journey. I fought so hard to do everything "right," to follow all the "you should do THIS" advice I got about getting into graduate school while many of the people around me floundered and festered and finally submitted an application on the deadline day. Turns out, overplanning can lead to a huge sense of failure when things don't turn out the way you (or anyone else around you) hoped!

I spent a few weeks brooding, crying, cursing whoever was in charge, and feeling like a Loser with a big L...systematically, although unconsciously, I went through the stages of grief because my bubble had been popped and I felt like I had been dumped by a boyfriend I never even had a chance to do fun things with... I didn't know what to do, but I held on for dear life hoping the wave of grief would pass. I can honestly say that it is no longer a wave. There are still ripples now and again, but for the most part, I'm doing what I know best - Head up, chest out, face forward and Onward....

I scrapped the old plans (or at least plan A, as I always had plans B, C, and D in my head from day one...I have a tendancy to expect disappointment) and have begun making new ones.

Step 1: Apply to jobs in publishing.
Let's face it...this is my ideal place to be. If I can't get rich quick on a novel in my own words (I'll work on this in the background, but I can't rely on this silly scheme for the future...not with kids banking on me making money so they can eat), I'd like to watch other authors achieve this same dream. I want to discover new talent and watch it (maybe even help it!) grow into something brilliant. I want to run in those circles and feel like I have a place to stand there. I'd be alright with anything from editorial to public relations, maybe even advertising/marketing. I could also do some sort of product development for online content and new ventures. Basically, the goal is to apply to anything I'm remotely interested in and that I qualify for with my degree and experience.

Step 2: Apply to newspapers.
I've already submitted one resume for a full-time reporter job. I know the pay is horrible, but at least I'd be writing and getting in there...maybe I could make a name for myself in journalism...who knows? I do know that I've got over a year's experience reporting now, and I know I'm capable of doing a good job at it...I just need the opportunity to develop my skills and I could be great. (*gulp*)

Step 3: State jobs.
If all else fails, the day I graduate I look for a promotion with the state. I've already got a foot in the door, and maybe I could work my way up into some management positions with my degree. Not the ideal placement, but it's more money that can hold me over until my real life really starts.

Step 4: Apply again.
Yep, today I decided (I've been thinking about it for a couple weeks, though) that if nothing else pans out, I will once again make a list and apply to graduate schools again next year. I will use the summer off to study, take the GREs again and get a rockin' new score, and then apply again, and again, and again...because, damnit, I will be Dr. E one day...just try and stop me! (While I'm working this angle, I'll keep writing...maybe I'll get a book deal about my failures and it will be a huge and hilarious success and I'll get awarded some honorary doctorate and not even have to work for it! Wouldn't that be a real hoot?!)

So yep, I have a plan once again...and that, in itself, settles me. Finish this year - onwards and upwards. There's still time to make 2010 my best year yet!