Pants on the Ground and Other Things That'll Have You Lookin' Like a Fool

Okay, I'll admit it - I watch American Idol. *gasp!* I usually end up trying to catch most of the audition phase, Hollywood week, and the elimination into the top 12. After that, my attention tends to wane. I make my predictions early on, and then wait to see if I'm right. (Sometimes I even watch the finale, though most times I just check the news or websites the next day/week.) I've only voted for someone once...and I felt dirty/stupid after doing it.

Every once in a while during auditions you get someone who is completely crazy and, in that regard, completely memorable...at least for a little while. We had the old gentleman sometime back who sang to his dead wife, or about his dead wife, or for his dead wife. (I remember him vaguely.) We had that William Hung guy, whose celebrity, I firmly believe, was extended less because of his singing (in)ability than because of his name, which lended to plenty of sexual innuendo laden jokes. (DUH!) This year, it was a 62 year old man singing his own song, "Pants on the Ground."

If you haven't seen his version of the song, you really should. (Check YouTube...it's not hard to find.) Not because I think he's awful and, therefore, fun to make fun of. Definately not because his singing or even his song are spectacular. But because it shows a 62 year old man doing push-ups, spinning, and even doing the splitz (sort of) TWICE! While most seniors are worried about moving too fast or "jerky" because it might cause a hip to break or fracture, this man is rocking it out...and singing too! Anyhow, in this vein, I've decided I'm going to create my Top 7 (because that's all I could think of right now) List of things that will make you look like a fool (in addition to having/wearing your pants on the ground, wearing gold teeth, or turning your hat sideways, as our wonderful "General" has already pointed out.) Some are serious, most are just fun, mostly related to quirky fashions of today that most of us wish would quickly go out of style.

Top 7 Things That'll Have You Lookin' Like a Fool
(in the order that I thought of them)

1. Crocs. I don't care if you think they're "uber comfy," you look like a complete idiot wearing a completely respectable outfit with your neon pink, plastic shoes yelling, "Look at me! Made you look!" If you are over the age of about 4, and if you don't already dress in an eclectic (some would say "arty") style you look like a complete idiot who is incapable of making a rational decision about fashion and chooses to blindly follow the mass of idiots around you.

2. Wearing inappropriate clothing to school. There are two subcategories to this one. A) You dress to the nines to come to class. B) You wear your PJs.

If you fall into the A category, I simply have to wonder how long it took you to get prepared for a 60 minute lecture on the basics of biology, whether you had time, in between hair and eyelash curler to even read the work assigned, and what exactly you intend to gain from your "clubbin'" outfit in class? A better grade from the prof? The attention of boys? I don't care what it is, you look rediculous. You can look pulled together and even pretty/stylish/beautiful without a pound and a half of makeup and your rhinestone studded stilleto boots. I

f you fall into the B category, however, you will have no hopes of either finding a man or being taken seriously. It takes five minutes to throw on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Add another three to five minutes and you can put on foundation, blush and mascara and look like you intended to be awake today.

These both also, and, I think even more so, apply to high school and junior high students.

3. Carrying the wrong sized handbag for your shape. I firmly believe (and I am a big girl, so I can stand behind this), that fat girls should not carry teeny-tiny handbags. In the reverse, I believe if you are stick thin, carrying a bag that you look like your could squeeze yourself into and still have room for your little brother is completely rediculous. You either look off balance or you accentuate your size. I don't care whether you're fat or skinny, accentuating your size with the use of a handbag is just plain stupid. Buy a bag that fits you, that looks right on your arm or shoulder, and please, for the sake of everything that is holy, don't let it have rhinestones or be silver unless you're headed out for a night on the town. (A little flashy clutch at the grocery store is just silly.)

4. Joking or criticizing or flaunting the amount of money someone gives to charity. When I was a child I was taught to respect one another. I was also taught that you don't ask a woman's age/weight or how much someone spent on something. These issues were personal and, therefore, off limits. So why is it important to you whether some celebrity sent 10,000 to the Red Cross while another sent 100,000? It is really none of your business. And if you are said celebrity bragging (or allowing your PR firm to brag for you) about how much money you gave to Katrina victims or Salvation Army or the Haiti Relief Fund, just stop. Humility was also taught in my day, and I believe many of you are actually older than me. Let your donations be personal, and let others alone about theirs. You can tell how good/right/just/generous a person is by their actions, not by how much money they donate to charity. If I know that Joe Bob participated in the Civil Rights marches, I know that he is a good man...him telling me that he gave the last 20 dollars he had to charity because he saw someone in need is not going to further influence my decision/judgment.

5. Judging or teasing someone because of their physical attributes. In my day we called this bullying; it didn't matter if you were 15 or 55. Teasing someone because they were different has never been okay. Just stop. This includes the new form of bullying which is done electronically. Words hurt just as much when they're read as when they are heard. Ask anyone who has ever had "For a good time, call XXXX" written about them on the stall of the bathroom at a school/bar/nightclub.

6. Asking someone, or criticizing someone, for their sexual orientation. Yes, I know, it's against your religion. Whatever, I'm fine with that... but your religion is just that, YOURS. That does not mean that you can enforce those beliefs upon someone else. You can give them what you consider are "the facts" according to their religion, but you can never make them believe. That being said, when has it ever, and I mean EVER, been appropriate to go up to a girl and say "Do you have sex with men?" In the same regard, asking a person, "Are you gay?" is off-limits in my book. If you aren't going to call a girl a slut or whore to her face, then you shouldn't call a girl a dyke or fag to her face either. (And if you do go around calling girls sluts and whores, then I don't even want to know you.)

7. Wearing socks with your sandals. I don't care who you are or who told you it was okay...if your little toes are cold, then wear some damn shoes that cover them. Simple. Easy. When it is 50 degrees outside, especially if they are calling for rain, I leave my sandals at home. (There's not much worse than the way your feet smell after getting them wet and walking around on wet, soggy sandals all day. EWW!) It's simple, if you think your feet might be cold, pick up the sneakers instead. If you think they'll be just fine (and you have a good pedicure...please don't bring snaggle-foot out to play!), go for the sandals. There...I've said my bit on that.

Just Shoot Me

Today is the first day of the rest of my life. I absolutely hate this saying. I don't know why, but I do. It is true that I can make the decisions today that could make or break my future. I could take a step towards something new and exciting, or I could take a step back and abandon my hopes and dreams for a chance to breathe. Still, I can't help but feel like taking this approach is leaving the life I've lived before today behind.

That being said, today was the first day of my final semester at West Virginia State University. Today was absolute hell. From work to school to work to school to work, I spent more time driving today then anything else. An hour to work, another 20 minutes (give or take to school), 20+ again, 20+ again, and another hour. It does not need to be said that I am completely exhausted. Several times today I've thought to myself, "What the HELL are you doing? You're going to kill yourself! Is it even worth it?" And then the writing prompt came, and the introductions came, and I realized that I've got my crap together, and that's a bonus for most college students. Dr. BP tells everyone, "You'll think you have more free time after you graduate, but you don't." In my case, I beg to differ.

I have no idea what's going to happen after I graduate (our writing prompt from Senior Seminar), but I know I'm doing everything I can today to make it a better life than what I'm currently living. Seventeen weeks. That's all I have left - 17 long weeks, 5 more classes and then I'm done. I'm sure I'll feel better if and/or when I get word about graduate school or hear from prospective employers, but for right now I'm living for these 17 weeks. Today is the first day of the rest of my life? Right now I think it's the first day of my next 17 weeks, my last 17 weeks of college at WVSU.