Trying to Juggle

For some time I thought that taking a break from work would be refreshing and relaxing. I looked forward to it, counted down the days, marked each one off my calendar and waited, rather impatiently, for a time when I would not need to be up each morning at 6am and down in Charleston by 8am. And then the time came, and for a while, it was good.

And I thought to myself - no problem! Easy-peasy! I've got this. School started, and I was ready to go, organized and clear-headed. I took on an extra class, because I really wanted to be a part of something and this, finally, was my opportunity to do what I wanted. I don't regret this decision, it's the class I most look forward to. The most fun because I know I won't be graded, because the pressure is off and I can simply enjoy myself. And because it's on Edgar Allan Poe - who wouldn't enjoy that?!

I signed up to tutor a few hours a week. A little extra cash, a little something to put on my grad school applications. Finally, I get to do something for me! Something that will help me when the time comes, when I'm being judged for what I can do, what I have done, and what I'm willing to do. I don't want them to see me taking a semester off work as a weakness, so I add more things to fill the space. Alpha Mu Gamma needs someone to man a booth during lunch? I've got it! English Club/Sigma Tau Delta needs someone to take over Presidential duties? No problem!

And then Logan came to me with a request. "Mom, since you're not working right now, do you think I could play Little League?" I couldn't find a logical reason to say no, and so I called and got him signed up. First practice on Tuesday night at 6pm? No problem! Double headers nearly every Friday and Saturday? Wait...problem! Of course, he's signed up and loving it, and learning very quickly I might add, so there is no turning back on this one. Still I'm carrying my bookbag to every game, trying to work on my homework but getting pulled into the "action" of the game every time. I've begun to fall behind...and that does not sit right with me.

I've done what I always promised myself I wouldn't do...I've overloaded and overwhelmed myself. I'm in over my head and I'm struggling to keep sight of the shoreline. But the sharks are circling and my legs are giving out. Someone help!!