Apple Has Taken a Bite Out of Me

...I'm dreaming of apples...seriously. I have never been one to get caught up in the hype of the latest new craze, especially if involved a giant cut-out version of a fruit. I never owned an iPod, not even a Shuffle. I didn't go get an iPhone last year when everyone else was getting theirs and I was up for a cell phone upgrade. The juicy, delicious did not entice me with their Mac Books or iTunes or any of that garbage...that was, until now.



But then I touched an iPhone and I felt a sudden twinge in my heart. I loved being able to push and pull the page around on the screen, the power of finger manipulation of this little genius toy succombed to every desire I ever had for electronics. We've all done it....*gulp*...kicked or beat or even coaxed with gentle words, our electronics into submission. We've blown in the ends of our Ninetendo cartridges, hand rolled the cassette tape back, or even smacked the old CRT monitors or television sets upside the head to get the scrolling bars to stop scrolling. It sent a sort of power within us, to smack the thing and have it magically respond, as if our discipline had made it change its ways and it was now trying to be a "good little boy/girl." We got frustrated with the 011010101 nonsense and we just wanted to get our hands on the little thing and shake it into submission. We've all pulled the roller balls out of our old mouse and taken a toothpick to the little pieces inside, just trying to clean the dirt in order to get the little cursor to move precisely where we wanted it to be, wishing we didn't have to mess with the hand-eye coordination of the thing to begin with. So when Jobs enticed me with this touchscreen technology, I resisted originally because the idea was so foreign (and there's so many fingerprints on my phone already, and I'm not even touching it on purpose!!!).



But I touched that little iPhone and I felt like the medical officer on the Starship Enterprise. I felt like some secret spy in a high tech lab, moving case files and crime scene photos around with my finger pointed at the wall, touch and drag style. And I realized that dreams do come true, and fingerprints don't much matter in the grand scheme of things. Each day after my first encounter, I found myself wanting more. I screamed at my cell phone for being completely inadequate. I found myself moving my finger from right to left on my camera's LCD screen, only to see a smudge across the same picture I had just been viewing. I fought the urge, resisted the temptation if only for my need to keep all the money I had saved safely tucked away in the bank. I wasn't due for another upgrade until June, and I was sure as hell not going to pay full price for anything! I was a bargain shopper, damnit!



And then Jobs found my weakness. He combined my desire (and resistance to) for the Kindle, a digital photoframe (which I would never pay 100 for when I can 10 of the dollar frames and just line them up one after the other on my desk, space to work be damned!), a music player like the iPod, and a mini notebook computer, ....along with my newfound desire for that shiny new iPhone...in a neat, compact little package. (Mommy like! Mommy want! Daddy agree!) Add to that my insane desire to want something new first, or not at all...(I would hate to conform to mass society and be a part of the trend...at least that's what I tell everyone!)...and I find myself shopping on Apple's site once a day, adding to the shopping cart in my head all the little apple shaped shiny things I want! Now, the real question is...will I actually break down and buy the damned thing? And...if I do...will I still want that upgrade to an iPhone in June?



Steve has done it...and I'm a little bitter to be converted in such a sneaky way!...but I'm a convert just the same...

No News is This News

Months ago I spent more money than I had to apply to only four graduate schools. I picked two dream schools and two schools that I thought I had a good chance of getting into. My list was as follows:

Yale - in hopes of earning a PhD in English
Brown - for their Literary Arts MA program
OSU - because Ohio is still home
Uni of SC - I had my reasons, it's south, it's different, it's not huge, SC is in need of teachers...etc.

Last Friday I got an email from Yale letting me know that I had not been excepted into their program. They let people down easy, giving you some statistics (over 10,000 applicants) to soften the blow.

Now, as much as I expected to NOT get into Yale...it has been a dream of mine for longer than I can remember. When I visited the campus with my family last year the dream took on a new life because I could see myself in those old buildings. I knew it would be difficult...more difficult than I could even imagine because it's a league so far above my own. But I also knew that I would fight for it no matter what happened. So when the letter came, the letter I had expected but hoped against, I felt a hole grow inside me. Over the next few days the hole grew. It was difficult to get out of bed. It was difficult to function. I had no inspiration. I was done. I had worked so damn hard for so long, pushing myself towards a singular dream...and there it went in a matter of seconds without a second thought. All of the dreams I had about living so close to New York City, taking the train in on a Saturday just to window shop, working out by loving life and walking down the streets of Manhattan, grabbing a show with a friend on Broadway...all gone. Goodbye. To tell you the truth, my heart is completely broken.

Shane hugged me and told me that it was alright. He told me I could try again next year. He told me that there was still Brown, and OSU, and SC. He told me all the right things, and I tried to listen.

I woke up this morning feeling better, and then got the letter from Brown. They don't soften the blow as much...within two words you know it is over. "We regret..."

What can I do? I can now say that I will not be living in New England, like I dreamed of when I was a little girl...or whenever I dreamed of it. So...now what? Do I go with OSU or SC? I'm not sure. Maybe I'll feel better if and when they send me acceptance letters. Maybe they'll both say no, or maybe they'll say yes but the funding won't be available for me (lord knows I really can't afford grad school).

Yesterday evening/night, Kathryn told me that the paper is hiring full-time. A window, I suppose. I'll take it. I'll move on to plan B. I will send resumes to every major newspaper in the country. I'll send resumes to every publishing house I can find info on the internet for. I'll figure out how to move on because I can't stand still here. Without this dream, these last three years would have been hell...I'm realizing that now. So it's time for a new dream, or for an expansion of the old one. Maybe I will work towards applying again next year. I'll study more, get a better score on my GRE Lit test, maybe the other GRE test as well. I'll apply so many damn times in a row someone will have to take notice.

My entire life I've had to fight for everything except my grades (because I seem to be good at school...). I will continue to fight....because I have to...because I don't know anything else.

Watch out world...here comes Esther...rocking the professional world and knocking it on its ass!